I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the high leading the old right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
