I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize