shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
