OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize