It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
