Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
