my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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