i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
