So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
