your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your penis caused this!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
