I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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