And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
