My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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