I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you win again, gameday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
