And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
