I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
