Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
