why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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