I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
