I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
