So drunk its hurt
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who put my cat in the fridge?
God I need to hump something, right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
