It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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