So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
