it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
