Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
