He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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