why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
