Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize