So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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