I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize