i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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