PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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