Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
