so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
