before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
