I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
