So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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