you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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