I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
