The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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