life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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