Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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