We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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