It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
