the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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