I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
