My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
