Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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