I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
