Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
