I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
