don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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