You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
