Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
