Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
