You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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