im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
