I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
