Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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