i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
