well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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