people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I pour the whiskey from now on
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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