I cockslap morals
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
