sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I love having hate sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
