don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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