Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
