cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
