I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
